I thought I should step up to the plate and defend the Brat name. I have seen quite a few negative references to brats on this site, lines such as, “I would not be attracted to a brat” and “I am not a brat…” It seems that being a brat is kind of like having some contagious disease or something. Who would not love to have a brat at their side? What is not to love about brats?! It seems like saying, “Not like I could love a slob” or “I could never love an animal lover.”
I am trying to imagine my life without being a brat. I guess I am a self proclaimed brat and have been since before we embarked on this road we travel now. Well I must admit that I am new to calling myself a brat, but brat I have been all along!
Brats are fun! Brats are fun to be around. Brats have that evil twinkle in their eye, as they very innocently pinch their loved ones’ butts as they walk by. Brats know all the tricks to earn themselves fun spankings. Who could resist a brat who sticks their tongue out at them across the room at a fancy party? All in fun when no one is looking of course! They know exactly what to say to earn that “zing”! Come on you all know the zing, the perfect come back. The zing that makes your spouses eyes widen in complete amazement that you actually had the nerve to say what you said! It makes them speechless it was so perfectly timed! Then the fun comes in chasing you around the room to give you the perfect spanking your earned!
If you are a brat or love one there is nothing to be ashamed of! Brats are lovable! Brats make the head of their household glad to be alive. They make them smile at all the right times, even if the smile is there especially because they get to do what they love to do… spank their brats! Brats shake their bottoms at their husbands and dare them to do something about it! And speaking of dares, brats cannot resist them. The ‘look’ is of course just an invitation, a dare, to try something again. The look means you are on the right track if you are trying to ‘earn’ a spanking. The look means, “I dare you sweetie to try that again!” Any self respecting brat must of course try it again! Please, someone might think we had lost our touch if we didn’t!
Brats are never mean or do things in bad spirit. Everything is meant in fun, in the spirit of a good time. Do we sometimes judge wrong and make a foul blunder? Of course, just like a comedian can misjudge her audience! But we take our lumps if we cross the line and all things are righted again, ready for another fun day! So if you are a brat, stand up unashamed and be counted. There are those of us who strive to be better brats and there are those out there who love the challenge of handling a good brat! Can you handle one? I dare you to try...
When a person describes herself as a brat, that says to me that this person is claiming that as a basic part of her identity. I see this as distinct from occasional teasing playfulness. Based on the way you describe your relationship, CofHC, you do not sound like what I think of as brat. I agree with you that people who take discipline seriously can nevertheless have playful times. My experience of people who describe themselves as brats is that they are always playing. For them the focus is primarily on the act of spanking which they think of as as fun and/or erotic. There isn't a sense that spanking represents one person deferring to the authority of another. AS I see it, in the relationship, the focus is on the authority rather the means of discipline.
A brat, in my experience, thinks that she is being cute when she provokes a disciplinary reaction. This is the opposite of my understanding of a dominant relationship, in which a person has a sense of failure when she needs to be disciplined. It is a failure because it means she has not met the expectations set by the head of the household. It means that he is disappointed with her. There is nothing fun or cute about it.
Does it always have to be serious? I mean, come on, how serious can a relationship be really, or any other kind of relationship? Every relationship has to have a lighter side, surely, it can't be serious all the time. Talking about his brothers Brendan and Dominic, Brian Behan once remarked "They both died of an overdose of seriousness." Well, that's never going to happen to me.
My husband knows perfectly well that I adore being spanked, and he knows perfectly well when I'm doing something deliberately to provoke it. Even when I'm getting 'serious' spankings, he knows it's arousing me, and I know perfectly well it's arousing him, I can feel the evidence for myself. Sometimes, even in the midst of a very, very painful spanking, I find myself giggling, because inside my head there's a little John McEnroe voice going "Oh, come on, you can not be serious!"
Life is too short to take everything seriously, anything that helps us to get through this Vale of Tears is a good thing, whether it's a dominant relationship or anything else. I could never take any kind of relationship 100% seriously, because that would be the death of it for me.
I can see how there's a big difference between brattiness seen as a sort of teasing defiance of authority, versus a response of guilt or shame over feeling one has failed the expectations of the man's authority. But personally, I don't really relate to either of those. I have not yet been in a real-life relationship, but I have a pretty thorough and detailed understanding of my own inclinations. And my reaction to a dominant man's discipline, in the way that I need it and imagine it, would be neither shame nor humor, but rather *fear*. It's the fear that sends me into submission, and if it's done right it's also an erotic experience.
As I see it, the point of discipline is neither to make the woman feel bad and unworthy, nor to have a chuckle about it; the point is to powerfully reestablish the man's dominance, and put the woman firmly back in her place. And it seems to me that fear is the best way to do that. But then, I'm not really big on guilt in any context, so that would just not be an effective tool to use on me; attempts to make me feel guilty almost never succeed, they just annoy or amuse me. With regard to brattiness, that doesn't really hold much appeal for me, either. I can be playful and mischievous, but to me that's not the same thing as being bratty. I guess I think of brattiness as being childish and goofy; whereas one can engage in some playful mischief, yet still act like an intelligent adult. But maybe this is just one of those things where the word in question - 'brat' - has very different connotations for different people.
I notice that in Tevemer's initial post she speaks of herself as being a brat, while, in the most recent one, she describes herself as a person who does "bratting" at times. These diferent expressions mean very different things to me.
Perhaps an analogy will make this clearer. If an actor described himself as a comedian, I would think that he usually, if not always, played comic roles. I would see this as different from a person who described himself as an actor who performed comedy at times. When a woman says "I am a brat" I think she means that she usually, if not always, engages in provocative behaviour because she thinks it is fun to make her husband react. It is this constant teasing that I find so objectionable, not playful moments interspersed among serious ones.
I too experience playfulness as very important in my relationship. I am not saying that couples must be serious all the time. However, when I hear someone identify herself as a brat it does not convey to me that she likes to play sometimes.
Wow J I understand if teasing and "bratting" are not to your taste, that does not mean however that I do not take discipline seriously. There is a time and a place for playfulness as well as a time and a place for seriousness. My husband and I both understand the difference and know when one or the other is called for. If I provoke a real disciplinary reaction I sure do not think it is cute! I feel horrible when this happens. The bratting I am talking about it fun in nature and is never intended to provoke a disciplinary reaction. It is meant in fun and my husband does find it cute actually.
I agree with you Louise that a good relationship does not need to be serious all the time. We play with it a lot actually. I love to feel his authority in fun situations. That is a real sexual turn on for both of us. If we could not laugh about it sometimes, then it would not be for us. We joke and laugh all the time. It is the best part of our relationship. If we lost that somehow we would not be the same and we would lose something that is very precious to us. We can use discipline in a fun way. Does this mean that I never take my husband seriously? No, I know when to turn it off and come back to reality. My husband is comfortable enough in his role as HOH that he does not feel at all threatened by this playfulness.
Dee what you describe as "playful mischief" is exactly what I am talking about when I talk about bratting. It has nothing at all to do with acting like a child. I think the playful part of me is more childlike however. It is the child in me that likes to play board games with my kids, play sports with my friends, take walks with my dogs and make snowmen in the winter. It may be true that it is more the child in me that is playful with my husband, but it has nothing to do with acting like a child in the way you describe.
Having fun with my husband is the most important part of our relationship. It is the glue that brought us together. We like to laugh and laugh a lot. Does that mean we are incapable of being serious? No way! We know when the play spanking stops and the real ones begin. I know when I have screwed up and deserve a spanking. It is a completely different thing for us. It involves a much greater degree of submission and a complete loss of control on my part. Sure play disciplinary spankings evoke some of the same feelings, in a much smaller way, but they do not diminish the effects of real disciplinary spankings.